Dunkin Donuts is backtracking, denying, and otherwise obfuscating about a breast feeding incident at one of their New Jersey stores where the police were called in to quell the disturbance and restore order, morality, and modesty before the entire neighborhood descended into a quagmire of crime, corruption, and vice.
From a post at CafeMom.com:
“It finally happened. A friend and I were just told not to breastfeed in Dunkin Donuts because there are “other people there”. I was going to leave and just write a letter to Dunkin Donuts headquarters suggesting that they educate their employees better. The police were called, though.”
In a candid outburst, a spokesman for Dunkin’ Donuts declared:
“That’s a fucking crock of shit. Those bitches are lying. Employees called the cops because the mother changed the baby’s diaper in the store and we were terrified of being fingered by Amber Lyon of CNN for trafficking naked babies.”
In a brief written statement, Dunkin’ Donuts clarified things:
“We have no stores in New Jersey and wouldn’t put any there if it were the last place on earth. It must have happened at a Krispy Kreme.”
Calls to the local police department failed to shed any light on the events, being instead connected to a standardized recording which dened any responsibility and claimed that all injuries, deaths, and property damage was caused by criminals who will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Disclaimer: This post contains sarcasm and parody.