For those of you who like to pick up a few beautiful stainless steel sex toys when you’re shopping for dental instruments (or vice versa), I suggest you check out Pakistan’s Engravo Surgico. I highly recommend the Anal Hook, Penis Stick, and Cock and Ball Torture categories.
I like how they proudly sell sex toys side by side with medical instruments as if they are both equally legitimate and respectable markets. It’s no wonder the U.S. has been bombing the shit out of them.
Click on the image to see the fine print.
For those who aren’t familiar with this cute character, Pedobear was an invention of 4chan forum posters who used it to mock people interested in sexually suggestive pictures of children. I wrote about Pedobear back in September when the San Luis Obispo County Sheriff’s Department issued a moronic warning equating he character to a cartoon pedophile.
For you Pedobear fans, a website called Catch Kuma is selling a Pedobear hat. Is this the beginning of a new cartoon icon? Will we soon be seeing Pedobear on Saturday morning cartoons eventually leading to a feature length animated production? How about a theme park called Pedobearland (west coast) or Pedobear World (east coast)? Only time will tell.
Thanks to Sex Hysteria reader Erick for the heads up.
Asehpe posted a link to this video over on The Honest Courtesan. It’s a pretty fair representation of the level of absurdity that the pedophile paranoia has risen to. The ever knowledgeable Maggie McNeil points out that the Pedofinder General is a play on the term Witchfinder General, a title claimed by Matthew Hopkins, a notorious witch hunter of 17th century England.
In any case, it makes its point with such bluntness, I just had to post it.
This license plate was found by Mr D. B. Smit of the Virginia DMV to be in violation of their license plate guidelines after a complaint was received from an “anonymous citizen”.
From jalopnik.com:
A man in possession of the world’s greatest license plate has lost his battle with the Virginia DMV, who ridiculously claim it encourages oral sex with kids instead of just cannibalism.
The website also includes a copy of the letter from D.B. Smit of the DMV to the holder of plates demanding that he return them.
Dear Mr D.B. Smit:
Congratulations! You have managed to take an innocent bit of benign humor (something the world could use more of) and magically transformed it into an example of paranoid absurdity that only an idiot state bureaucrat is capable of. When advanced alien life forms visit earth and declare that the only way to save it is to destroy it, they will probably be thinking of assholes like you.
From the Daily Mash:
The slaughter came just hours after the website, popular with paedophiles and smokers, published 250,000 secret documents that revealed, for only the 78 millionth time in human history, that governments are run by the sort of utter tosspots you wouldn’t have in your house.
Toy maker Mattel is eying the child predator population as an untapped market to bolster its bottom line. Anyone who watches cable news these days, knows that child predators represent a significant portion of the population, for which there are barely enough children to go around. One can hardly blame a toy company for seeing dollar signs at the mere thought of the absolute deficit of tools available to assist child predators in their mission.
CNN, in kind of a how-to video, evaluated one of the latest entries in the arsenal of pedophile gear which just happens to be an innovative predator-cam cleverly disguised as a harmless Barbie doll. Meet Barbie Video Girl!
But, the ever watchful FBI is already onto Mattel’s plan to outfit the pervert population with advanced child porn video production technology and has issued a warning.
According to the CNN report:
The FBI is warning law agencies that the new Barbie “Video Girl” doll could be used as a tool by pedophiles to make child pornography.
In an alert entitled “Barbie ‘Video Girl’ a Possible Child Pornography Production Method,” the FBI said the doll has a built-in hidden camera in the chest and a small LCD screen for video display in her back.
The FBI alert backs up their warning with cold hard numbers illustrating the pervasive use of Barbie dolls as an enticement to lure children into the clutches of child sexual predators from coast to coast:
“FBI investigation has revealed instances where an individual convicted of distributing child pornography had given a Barbie doll to a 6 year old girl,” the alert said.
It is certainly commendable that the FBI has taken time out from its mission of tracking down terrorists out to annihilate the American population in order to warn the public of the imminent danger posed by what most people naively see as a harmless doll.
While Mattel may be boycotted by parents who see only the negative side to child predators, those parents probably wield only a tiny fraction of the market power commanded by the huge population of pedophiles and their various trade associations.
It’s no wonder Barbie Video Girl is one of Mattel’s toy of the year award nominees.
Given Barbie Video Girl’s body scan profile, she will probably be denied access to air travel.
Barbie Video Girl TSA Full Body Scan
Disclaimer: This post contains parody.
Thanks to readers Maggie McNeil and BoogaFrito for the links to this story.
I highly recommend reading an essay over at the Honest Courtesan about Barbie’s beginnings as a sexy adult doll named Lilli.
Dunkin Donuts is backtracking, denying, and otherwise obfuscating about a breast feeding incident at one of their New Jersey stores where the police were called in to quell the disturbance and restore order, morality, and modesty before the entire neighborhood descended into a quagmire of crime, corruption, and vice.
From a post at CafeMom.com:
“It finally happened. A friend and I were just told not to breastfeed in Dunkin Donuts because there are “other people there”. I was going to leave and just write a letter to Dunkin Donuts headquarters suggesting that they educate their employees better. The police were called, though.”
In a candid outburst, a spokesman for Dunkin’ Donuts declared:
“That’s a fucking crock of shit. Those bitches are lying. Employees called the cops because the mother changed the baby’s diaper in the store and we were terrified of being fingered by Amber Lyon of CNN for trafficking naked babies.”
In a brief written statement, Dunkin’ Donuts clarified things:
“We have no stores in New Jersey and wouldn’t put any there if it were the last place on earth. It must have happened at a Krispy Kreme.”
Calls to the local police department failed to shed any light on the events, being instead connected to a standardized recording which dened any responsibility and claimed that all injuries, deaths, and property damage was caused by criminals who will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Disclaimer: This post contains sarcasm and parody.
“What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing This Item?”
Yeah, that makes perfect sense…
P.S. For those who don’t immediately see it, this is an Amazon listing for a sexually themed DVD, but all the items under the “What do customers buy” heading are all military style computer games.
A little comic relief for those who think that dumb asses are always conservatives.
This actually restored my faith in democracy! hahaha! Just kidding.
Admittedly, I’m pretty old, so I had the benefit of being in high school back when they still taught economics, otherwise I could have easily been one of the idiots in this video.
